A Little Out of Context
by The . L O S T . Paperclip
Summary: In which cats don't land on their feet, real men wear fishnet, pants are essential but often forgotten, and six-year-olds try to figure out which end of the knife goes in the enemy: The previous generation, and why they aren't talked about that much.
1. How Not To Make Friends

_**# Author's Note/Warning:** Crack, crack, crack, crackity crack! Not entirely unbelievable, though, because I'm trying to keep it within certain canon boundaries – at least somewhat. I hope. Anyway! It is set six years or so before the beginning of the series, a year after the Kyuubi's attack on Konoha – when the children that lived through it were rather traumatised and horrified at all the violence and death and wanted no part of it at all ever again . . . and they were still insane enough to actually become shinobi._

_Yes, that means we're introducing: six-year-old Uchiha Itachi the Pacifist Genius Kid With Serious Emotional Constipation, Shin (Sai's self-proclaimed brother), who shall play the role of Cheery Orphan That Talks Too Much For His Own Good, Inuzuka Hana and the three Haimaru pups as the Accidents Waiting To Happen, and a cast of OCs that include an old and senile Nara schoolteacher and a clan bloodline that causes their children to spontaneously combust. Neat, huh?_

_. . . Anyway, I'm not here to write Author's Notes. Onward!_

_**# Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Shikamaru, who tricked Kisimoto into signing a ten-year no-release contract. Sasuke is trying to buy it back, but I'm not actually sure if he's confusing Naruto the show with Naruto the person and Shikamaru for a pimp._

* * *

**Chapter One  
.:How (Not) To Make Friends:.**

Rule Number One concerning the difference between civilian and shinobi children: while civilian six-year-olds eat mud pies, shinobi-in-training will try to eat each other. It is a teacher's unfortunate obligation to prevent this.

This isn't so difficult if you're a Nara, as their hereditary Shadow jutsus are extremely useful when dealing with kids – and Nara Shikaro was most definitely proud of his heritage. But unfortunately for Shikaro, his Shadow Possession jutsu was faulty. Keep-out-of-reach-of-children-or-something-will explode kind of faulty. He was also old, chubby and mostly senile, so maybe retirement would be a better option for him than teaching underaged children which end of the knife goes in the enemy. The next major screw-up would be the undoing of his career, he was sure of it . . .

Unfortunately, the dawn of a new year at the Academy would, with it, spawn the strangest and most interesting assortment of students he would ever have the misfortune of supervising.

Rule Number Two concerns a child's ability to make friends. For any civilian six-year-old, this is painfully easy to do when you say the right things. ("Hi, I like you. Let's be best friends." "Okie-dokie!") But a shinobi six-year-old has the potential to screw over their social life at such an early age in ways that are much, much worse than a simple "That's mean, butthead!"

Tsukeru Sarah is a prime example of this. Her overeagerness to befriend everyone and everything, inanimate or otherwise, combined with her unique bloodline, allow her to think in her pretty little head that she is the most awesome fleshling to have ever walked the planet. She discarded her backpack and marched right into the centre of a group of young girls, ensuring she had their undivided attention.

"Lookie what I can do!" The red-haired girl scrunched her face up and braced her arms, looking for all the world like her organs were slowly dying inside her. The children look on, confused and mildly disgusted. Then a black substance spurted from her sleeves, collar, pant legs, and began running down her face from her scalp. This began a chain reaction of guttural sickey-noises as her entire crowd of would-be friends squealed and scattered.

Sarah's face fell. "Wait, wait, 'm not done yet! Please come back, I . . . Aw." She looked down. _They_ obviously weren't her friends.

"Ew. Um, neat. Kinda. What is it?"

The curious voice startled Sarah out of her temporary misery. She looked over to see someone she _guessed_ was a classmate that hadn't run away (maybe a potential friend!). A girl – probably, it was difficult to tell as she was very stocky, but the long hair at least hinted at femininity (though she was too young and naïve to have realised that often males in Konoha had long hair as well, something she will find out soon enough) – with messy brown hair and red triangles on her cheeks, flanked by a small green . . . lamb-looking . . . uh, thing.

Upon closer inspection the lamb creature was just a puppy and the green due to the shade of the trees over its muck-grey fur. Sarah was a little disappointed. A pet lamb would have been cool.

The person, on the other hand . . . She looked kind of iffy. Those triangles weren't _normal_. (The six-year-old completely ignored the fact that she was covered head-to-toe in black muck that she herself had secreted).

"Are you a disease?" Sarah asked, poking the girl's tattooed cheek and ignoring her question.

"What's a disease?" the girl, Inuzuka Hana, asked back. She frowned and rubbed the violated cheek.

Sarah looked startled by the action. "You're disease! Getawayfromme," she whined, shaking her hand like the red tattoo would infect her.

Hana's scowl deepened. "My name is Hana," she corrected angrily. Obviously, Hana thought "disease" was a name. Ah, kids are so cute.

"I dun care, you're a disease!" Sarah wailed.

Hana was aghast. "You butthead, I'm Hana!" She barked something and suddenly the dog beside her stood to attention. Two more furry bodies tackled Sarah from behind, however, knocking her to the ground and sticking their wet noses in her ear.

_**Haimaru: 1**_

_**Humans: 0**_

Sarah squealed and dug herself out of the furry mess, then ran for her life. The would-be attack puppies followed excitedly, hot on her heels.

* * *

Retsukuma Xara dragged her bare feet across the lawn, hoping tiredly that getting up before sunrise to tie herself to the gate was worth it. Her parents were so _unreasonable_!

_. . . "No! I'm gonna be a ninja!"_

"_That's _okay_, Xara! Now please untie the ropes-"_

"_I'm not taking no for an answer, Daddy. I am a ninja! Ninjas don't hafta follow rules!"_

"_That's not actually true, but if you want to be a kunoichi then that's okay with me. Now where did you leave your shoes this time?"_

"_Daddy, I _will_ be a ninja and you're not gonna stop me!"_

"_I already said you could! Ninjas are awesome, but you're going to be late if you keep this up." . . ._

It had gone something like that for twenty minutes before Xara decided her point was well and truly across. Being a ninja would be amazing, and today was just the first step . . . !

But, as if fate were taunting her, the girl's foot caught on something that had been lying obtrusively on the lawn. Naturally, she fell in a brilliant faceplant.

Xara blinked a few times, her gaze landing on an open blue backpack. She glanced around, trying to determine if it was truly abandoned or not, and then frowned at the offending object.

"Don't you mock me," she hissed, standing up quickly to maintain the little dignity she never had.

The backpack would have laughed if it had feelings.

"I would advise you to leave me now, or I will have to use force."

The backpack stood still in defiance.

"You're making me do this," she warned as she marched up to the object. With a final few seconds hesitation – will this hideous bag of dookie-crap relent? – Xara began laughing merrily and emptied its innards onto the grass. Revenge was _sweet_. Her manic laughing ceased, however, when something caught her eye. A small plastic bottle that seemed to contain a strange pastel-brown liquid. The brunette gasped.

"Mystery milk!" she screeched, dropping the pack and lunging for the bottle. And Xara, not yet having learned to refrain from consuming suspicious drinks she had found in stranger's belongings, opened the green lid and began gulping the lukewarm liquid down.

She spluttered and coughed at the horrible taste, wheezing as if it had sucked the life out of her.

Then she paused, staring at the liquid, and sculled the not-so-iced coffee as if her life depended on it.

Suddenly the girl was barrelled over by a ball of fur, and another child followed soon after. Xara's coffee went flying.

_**Haimaru: 2**_

_**Humans: 0**_

Something snapped in the girl's mind in that moment.

As she watched the sacred liquid escape its confines in a graceful airborne arc, Xara realised that without it she was _nothing_. Xara was nothing without her coffee. Coffee was nothing without its Xara. The two were perfect for each other, and so they would be forever more. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, and in a split second Xara had decided that coffee was her life and she could never, _ever_ lose it.

Xara dived after her dreams, screaming a dramatic "NO!"

She undershot and landed with a dull _thud_, and watched her coffee – _her coffee!_ – fall in front of her, just out of reach (in reality it was about six feet, but Xara didn't know that as she was mildly delirious at the time). All she could do was watch as it leaked its lifeblood into the cold, unfeeling earth . . .

In the back of her mind, a place that is not yet tainted by the addictive properties of caffeine, nodded proudly at how dramatic Xara could make a relatively unimportant moment.

Her conscious stream of thought, however, was more along the lines of sobbing "Coffee coffee my coffee why need more coffee chicken why coffee need more coffee europe coffee my coffee coffee . . ."

* * *

Uchiha Itachi, in all his six-year-old glory, never asked questions. He demanded answers to his statements, and the young heir always got them. _Always_.

It was perplexing, then, when he found that both his parents kept dancing around this particular _statement_ like it would turn around and bite them in the butt. Statements couldn't do that.

But here he was, looking up to his mother who was sweating profusely and forcing a grin onto her face.

"Okaa-san, where do babies come from." he asked for the umpteenth time.

"Babies," Sasuke repeated. Since he had learned to walk he had clung to Itachi's leg constantly, and now he repeats everything Itachi says like a trained parrot. The favouritism made Mikoto a little jealous, but she would do the _mature_ thing and say "good for them." Plotting revenge against your own sons, even mentally, wasn't an easy thing for a mother to do after all. (That wouldn't stop her from constantly trying to win Sasuke's affection with candy and playtime, though.)

"S-Santa Clause!" Mikoto squeaked. Then she mentally facepalmed. She had been stressed beyond belief by her sons this morning; she was at her wit's end. _Idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid! They'll never let me live that down!_

Itachi wasn't satisfied with this. Not at all.

"I do not believe you, Okaa-san. The fat man only gives people presents at Christmas, and neither Sasuke or I was born then."

"Fat man," Sasuke repeated dutifully.

_A distraction, he needs a distraction,_ the woman thought frantically. Mikoto giggled nervously (though it may have come out as a strangled snort) and asked through her teeth, "S-sweetie, how would you like to go to the Konoha Ninja Academy today? They teach you all kinds of stuff there! Here, Shisui'll take you."

The older Uchiha seemed happy to oblige as he was shoved none too ceremoniously towards his cousin. Shisui took Itachi's hand, nodded absently to Mikoto and then marched off.

Itachi resigned inwardly. Resistance was futile; he would have to wait until he was more accomplished at extracting information before he attempted this particular venture again.

In the meantime, the Academy seemed like a good way to gain the skills necessary to make his mother talk.

* * *

Sarah trudged along the dirt road, covered in Goo and completely lost after being chased out of the Academy by two happy canines. One of the Haimaru puppies had abandoned them a while ago to pee on a noodle bar, leaving the other to follow Sarah.

_Take that, Ramen!_

_**Haimaru: 3**_

_**Humans: 0**_

_**Inanimate Objects: 0**_

The other followed Sarah, licking her leg constantly as it seems to have found a taste in her goo. Whether it would kill the dog in the long run remains to be seen.

They continued like this for a while, until Sarah spied sweet relief up ahead. She sped up.

"Hey," Sarah greeted a bench. "How's your morning been?"

The bench didn't answer.

She collapsed on the wood, tired. "You too, huh? Yeah, today has been horrible."

The bench agreed silently.

"It'll get better though, you just have to keep telling yourself that."

The bench might have rolled its eyes.

"Don't think like that! It's bad for your health," Sarah informed.

The bench despaired silently, ignoring her.

Sarah gasped. "You can't be serious! Life isn't really that bad, we just need to make you some friends! Please think this over."

The bench might have growled.

"Well _I'm_ your friend, aren't I? Isn't that enough for now?"

The bench almost sighed.

Sarah yawned heavily. "Yeah. Don't worry though, we'll get through this."

She then curled up and fell asleep, promptly falling off and sliding to the middle of the road on a waterfall of goo.

The bench seemed ready to take a flying leap off a bridge. Unfortunately it was both inanimate and nailed to the ground, so it suffered in silence.

_**Haimaru: 3**_

_**Humans: 0**_

_**Inanimate Objects: -1**_

_**

* * *

**_

Lesser Branch member Hyuuga Kimi began her first day at the Konoha Ninja Academy with all the grace and poise of a turkey on steroids.

. . . As you can probably guess, turkeys don't react to drugs as well as humans do. This child has a bad little habit of vomiting when put in an uncomfortable situation.

She was uncomfortable around crazy people, to put it bluntly. Too bad the majority of Konoha's ninja population was, in many ways, insane. The stronger the shinobi, the lighter their grip on reality. Kimi's nerves never failed to make her stomach churn until she threw up at extremely inopportune moments, often leading to embarrassing and awkward situations. This actually became apparent when she received the Caged Bird Seal from the Main house, as her trigger-happy stomach chose to empty itself on the shoes of her second cousin's uncle – the head of the Main family, Hyuuga Hiashi himself.

This definitely counted as one of such situations. Kimi was going to _destroy_ her nerves if she ever got the chance.

Yes, yes, the Hyuuga were supposed to be a proud, respectful and all but regal clan . . . but Kimi was still a vengeful six-year-old. She didn't care about image; she only cared about her physical state of being and how many healers it would take to put her skin back on after most of it had been _burned off by an insane little redhead this morning_.

A kid about her age had just twelve minutes ago run through her house uninvited and _on fire_, and put both Kimi and her mother in hospital for third-degree burns.

She had never been subjected to a healing before, and now Kimi never wanted to be within fifty feet of a healer ever again. Burn procedures _itched _like_ hell – _it was difficult to say whether she preferred the searing pain or not. Kimi had ended up vomiting on the nurse.

And, to top it off, she would probably be late for her first day at the Academy.

_Wonderful_.

* * *

Shisui and Itachi were on their merry way to the Academy when they came across a young girl passed out on the road and a small dog lying happily on her chest. They both seemed to be covered in black . . . stuff, that trailed from an unobtrusive bench to the puddle they were lying in.

_Please don't let it be crap,_ Shisui pleaded as they approached the mess. _Dear god, that's a lot of crap . . ._

Itachi wrinkled his nose but said nothing.

Shisui had planned on getting around the mess without incident – isn't that the sane thing to do? – but fate seemed to be after a nice, hearty laugh-at-other's-misfortune session today. Shisui stepped in it _big time_.

. . . By which I mean he managed to wake Sarah up.

The girl sprang into a sitting position like something risen from the grave, launching the muck-covered dog at Itachi's face. The small heir went flying.

_**Haimaru: 4**_

_**Humans: 0**_

_**Inanimate Objects: -1**_

Shisui almost peed himself.

"Ah!" he squeaked as Sarah's round eyes met his. She stood up, never breaking eye contact, and Shisui suddenly felt very awkward.

"Um, we're, uh, going to the A-academy," he said, not really as an offer to help but more along the lines of small talk. "Are you lost?"

Sarah stared at him for a few seconds more, before replying curtly, "I don't talk to strangers."

She then kicked him in the crotch like a good little kunoichi.

The nine-year-old yelped and doubled over.

Itachi had managed to rid himself of the puppy, but now he was _angry_. He began making hand seals, a static frown plastered to his face. His eyes never left Sarah as he released the fireball.

A small piece of trivia one should know before they decide to fight a Tsukeru:

They are _very_ flammable.

* * *

"But I don't wanna be a ninja!"

"Move it kid, you need some discipline."

"But I swear I didn't mean to shoot you guys with paintballs!"

"Because you were aiming for the T&I Department, right?"

". . . Yeah!"

Kondo Takeshi, known as Shin among his peers, was currently holding onto the Academy gate for dear life. Three strange men were trying to force him into going to _school_! Of-freaking-course he'd resist!

The three men were Jounin of course – Team 9 in a former, less awesome life, in fact. They were going easy on Shin to avoid seriously injuring the boy, but covered in green paint and bruises that were spreading to the size of melons made it a little difficult.

They were Shiranui Genma, Yamashiro Aoba and Namiashi Raidou respectively. The latter had not yet received the horribly disfiguring burn scar on his face just yet, so he looked a lot less like a paedophile. (For the moment, at least.) Aoba, on the other hand, all dark-and-shady with his goggles and tilted headband, both looked and acted the part. But he was _pissed_, so that means he was _allowed_ to grab Shin by the ankles and try peeling the kid off the gate with force.

"Kondo, you are a little shit. Stop acting your age!" The irritated Jounin scolded.

"My name is Shin," the boy bit back, kicking Aoba in the mouth. "And don't you forget it!"

But despite his proud tone, tears were gathering in the corner of his eyes. "I don't wanna be a ninjaaa~" Shin wailed.

"You're-going-in-side!" Aoba grunted, countering Shin's grip on the gate with twice as much force. Shin wailed some more.

Genma looked kind of worried. "Man, you're starting to look _really_ bad right about now, and not in a good way," he hissed.

"There's-a-good-way?" Aoba asked through gritted teeth, not ceasing his attempt to get Shin away from the gate.

"You look like a paedophile," Raidou explained quietly.

Aoba's grip on Shin's ankles slackened, and the boy thudded to the ground. Aoba went red.

"Quick, get him!" Genma shouted. Raidou picked the boy up around the middle, nodded to his teammates and threw Shin towards the Academy's front yard just as the bell went to signify the beginning of the school day. Shin screamed as he flew in a perfect arc towards the front door.

Raidou gave his team a thumbs up.

Aoba gave him a thumbs up back.

Genma facepalmed.

* * *

Hyuuga Kimi expected a great many things on the first day of the Academy, but everything that had happened since she woke up this morning was so horribly far from what she had imagined that the sour girl was beginning to wonder if her entire life was a lie.

She had already been burned half to death, she sure as hell didn't need broken bones as well!

But the airborne grey-haired boy that was screaming towards her seemed to think that breaking Kimi's bones was a great idea.

The collision was brutal.

_**Haimaru: 4**_

_**Humans: -1**_

_**Inanimate Objects: -1**_

Kimi was sent to hospital for the second time that day for two possible fractures and a bruised kidney, and – the icing on the cake! – she had managed to find the time to vomit on the doormat as well, while Shin walked inside relatively unharmed. At least Kimi had learned one useful thing today: She was an excellent crash mat and shock absorber.

_What did I do to deserve this?_

Fate must had to be trying _really_ hard to get Kimi to hate the world for the rest of her life.

* * *

Xara had heard (imagined) a rumour that there was coffee inside the Academy building, namely in her designated classroom, so she deemed it fit to enter when the bell went.

After all, a place without coffee was no friend of hers.

(She was actually just too scared to break the rules and skip school to find more coffee, so lying to herself was the only rational alternative. Xara was both a good liar and extremely gullible, so this tactic often worked wonders.)

The girl followed the crowd absently, looking around the halls with wide eyes, and then found herself seated at a desk in a nondescript classroom filled with snotty little six-year-olds.

Xara blinked. When did that happen?

_O-oh, okay then. Is that what's happening? I'm fine with that. Yeah. Uh, I guess that's okay._

Yeah.

She would believe the sky is yellow right about now.

Discovering the side-effects of excessive amounts of coffee on small bodies is pretty disconcerting. Xara just hoped the temporary loss of bearings was just that – _temporary_. But unfortunately, as long as she maintains her little addiction, temporary obliviousness will be a very common thing in future.

Her attention was caught quite violently as the classroom door was kicked open.

" 'bout time," a grey-haired kid muttered next to her. "We've been waiting forever!"

_Forever is a long time to forget,_ Xara managed to gather from her sporadic thoughts as her wide eyes turned to the door.

Then it registered that it had been blown off its hinges.

An old man with greying black hair twirled into the room like a dancer that never got the part, followed by another three copies of him. Shadows crept up the walls of the classroom, giving the illusion of night – and scaring some children into hiding under their desks – and _strobe lights_ began swirling around the walls. The entire thing looked like a creepy, otherworldly disco.

The four old men began singing – badly. The style of dance also made it apparent that the old guy had a rather large belly, and the song . . .

"_Shikaro-sensei, Shikaro-sensei, from the great Nara clan! Shikaro-sensei, Shikaro-sensei, he is the leading man! Hails from the upstairs spare room, stay away from my bathroom . . ."_

Badly rhymed, almost tone-deaf and, frankly, by the end of it most of his would-be students were in a static state of shock and terror.

* * *

"Kidney-healings _sting_," Kimi whimpered, rubbing the aforementioned organ as she trudged into what would be her classroom until she graduated from the junior class.

What she saw almost gave her a heart attack.

Four copies of the same man singing and dancing around the front of the room, the walls dark as night and brightly coloured lights that seemed to be giving the grey-haired boy that had fractured two of her bones a seizure.

The song ended with a flourish, the lights and darkness disappeared, the old man's clones dissipated, and the man himself posed.

Kimi was about to run back home and resolve to never go near ninjas ever again when his eyes locked on her.

The Hyuuga girl found that she was unable to move an inch.

"Care to introduce yourself, kiddo?" he asked jovially.

Kimi went yellow and started sweating profusely. _Not here, not now, not in front of all these people . . . !_

But alas, her stomach would not take 'no' for an answer, and Kimi keeled over and emptied what was left of her poor, abused guts onto the wooden floor.

The entire class watched in awe and disgust as their positively senile teacher, Shikaro-sensei, did exactly the same thing. They were choking and heaving in perfect sync, tossing their cookies like their lives depended on it, all because of a long, dark shadow that was connecting them.

How is this possible, you ask? Well, a few decades back Nara Shikaro became a Jounin, but his first A-rank mission went awry. He makes up a new story every time the subject is broached, so no one really knows what happened, but suffice to say that he was never the same again. Both his mind and his jutsus were . . . faulty. His Shadow Possession jutsu could only control one's conscious mind. Anything involuntary or out of his target's control affected him as well.

Kimi's spontaneous vomiting was a similarly involuntary act.

The puking episode ceased. A moment dragged by.

From the centre of the front row Shin began applauding their performance, looking around encouragingly as if to invite others to make some noise.

Hana belched loudly from a few seats behind.

Xara fell out of her chair and didn't get up.

The boy's clapping slowed to an uncertain stop.

Finally, _finally_, Shikaro-sensei stood up straight and cleared his throat.

"Impressive," he commented. "Shikaro thinks the girl's first impression will last longer than his own! This deserves a round of drinks! Oh . . . wait, you're _minors_. Pfft, you're not allowed to drink. Yes, yes, yes . . . that's the one." He pointed to the two piles of chunky stomach contents and shouted to the class, "Nobody step in these! Shikaro doesn't want to get fired if someone slips and dies."

The few children that had recovered from the trauma that was a song-and-dance introduction were now terrified once again. (If their _teacher_ was speaking gibberish, then what on earth are they going to be _learning_?) Others looked like they were about to be sick. One of them was.

Shin began clapping enthusiastically again.

"Shikaro thanks you for your good grace, boy, but that is _really annoying_," Shikaro-sensei said with an irritated, slightly crazed laugh.

Kimi was incredulous. This loony was allowed to _teach?_ Half the kids in the class were going to start talking in third person before they were seven!

"Good, good," the man continued. "As you may or may not have gathered from Shikaro's wonderfully executed dance ensemble-slash-introduction, this one's name is Nara Shikaro. You may call him Shikaro-sensei, as he will be your teacher for however many years it takes for you fleshlings to graduate . . . or however long it tales for Shikaro to bite it and die. You are here to become shinobi of the Leaf Village, yes?"

A few of them nodded, but the vast majority were still trying to get over the trauma of witnessing the vomiting and the dance that preceded it.

Shin raised his hand. It went ignored.

"Well, not all of you are going to make it. In fact, Shikaro guarantees that at least a third of you are going to drop out within the week and take up flower arranging or some other such civilian trade. The rest of you will be trained brutally to fight and die for those that drop out. But such is the way of life, innocent little ducklings!"

. . . Well, he definitely had a unique way of putting things.

Before he could say any more, however, there was an ear-splitting screech.

The class perked up fearfully.

"Whaa? The screams aren't supposed to begin until training," Shikaro commented absently.

Kimi, from her position a the door, was able to see further down the hall than anyone else. What she saw . . . Well, it gave her a flashback that nearly made her faint.

_The girl, screeching in joy rather than agony, running down the hallway of the Hyuuga's house . . . on fire . . . there were so many curtains that didn't make it out alive . . . so many . . ._

Kimi tried to run, but she only got about three steps before she was barrelled over by an insane little redhead and subsequently trampled by two enraged Uchihas. Shisui seemed to be waddling and his rage was almost tangible, while Itachi just frowned as he was dragged around by the hand. Sarah seemed to be having a lot of fun.

And Kimi was on fire. _Again_.

The Haimaru that had been following Sarah around trotted up to her and lifted his leg.

"Don't you dare," Kimi growled as her hair began smouldering.

The dog didn't pay her threat any mind.

_**Haimaru: 5**_

_**Humans: -2**_

_**Inanimate Objects: -1**_

_**

* * *

**_

Shikaro-sensei wasn't able to put out the fire in time, and the entire Academy had to be evacuated for the time being.

So, in essence, school had ended before it began. And Kimi had gone to hospital for the third time in two hours.

_**Haimaru: 5**_

_**Humans: -2**_

_**Inanimate Objects: -1**_

_**Tsukeru Sarah: Over 9000**_

_Oh yeah._

_

* * *

_

_**# Author's Note: **Tell me, is the story funny? Worth posting? Most importantly, did you enjoy it? :p I'll almost definitely continue it anyway as both my friend and I are fond of it and it really is fun to write – but if it'll just leave yet another scar of a horrible story on my profile page, then I'd rather not post it. Or I may anyway, considering that Sarah would kill me if I suddenly decided to not let her read it. Either way, updates are guaranteed to be sporadic because I don't write often anyway . . . Let's see how far this story will go, shall we?_

_**Review!**_


	2. Why Small Children Don't Like Strangers

_**# Author's Note: **Yes, the chapter is extremely late. Sorry. But my combined laziness and my rather funny editing process have held me back – I write about a hundred words, re-read the entire chapter, tweak some things to my liking, re-read it again, leave it for a few days (or weeks) and then go back re-re-read it again, then write some more, repeating the process . . . I'm a kind of obsessive writer. But at least that way I don't need a Beta as the leaving-for-a-long-while takes most of the fresh feeling of accomplishment from my biased mind and shows me everything that sucks so that I can change it appropriately._

_Okay, so more to the topic, in this chapter we shall introduce the Dubious Duo, Kakashi and Gai, and their little stalker Tenzou (more commonly known as Yamato, but that's just a codename)!_

_Also, I think I should clear something up – even though the characters listed are Itachi and Hana, **they will not be paired up in future**. I chose those characters simply to give readers an idea of which generation, exactly, I was talking about in the summary. The age of the characters, where they would be in the plot, etc. I hope this doesn't disappoint anyone :)_

_**Recap:** Last time, on A LITTLE OUT OF CONTEXT – we introduced a bunch of characters, they arrived at the Academy for their first day of school, stayed there for half an hour relatively unharmed, then things caught fire and it was Itachi's fault however much he tries to deny it, and now they're tied to a tree. That's . . . about it. None of it really made any sense. Enjoy!_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter Two  
.:Why Small Children Generally Don't Like Strangers:.**

.**  
**

"Kotetsu, _why_ are you wearing a dress?" Genma asked, half-horrified and half-exasperated at his Genin.

"Lost a bet," Hagane Kotetsu shrugged, smoothing the baby-pink skirts over his knees as Umino Iruka began choking back laughter.

Genma sighed despairingly. "I don't want to know. Just watch these kids, and don't screw it over this time."

"You're leaving us?" Kamizuki Izumo, the third and final member of Genma's team, asked, mock-hurt.

"Yeah, you remember what Kotetsu did the last time we got babysitting duty," Iruka cackled, glancing at the boy in the dress.

Kotetsu drew himself up indignantly, but the effect was lost as the puffy pink sleeves bounced around his face. "It wasn't my fault! Izumo was the one that set the traps!"

"But _you_ sent them into the forest in the first place, if I recall correctly," Izumo countered.

"_Your mom_ sent them in," Kotetsu replied obnoxiously.

Izumo scoffed.

Kotetsu looked like he was about to reply, but Genma cut him off before the two could devolve to insulting each other's ancestors. "Look, there are six-year-olds running around a burning building and I'm not sure that Shikaro-sensei has figured out that fire is hot yet. Just hold out until Raidou gets here." Genma gave his team a final glare to emphasise the _'don't screw up'_ part, made a hand seal and disappeared.

-:-

Eight seconds later, Kotetsu was tied to a tree next to the instigators of the fire. (Genma had reappeared, just to see if they were really going to to what they were told, but the cross-dressing boy was instead trying to bury Izumo's head in the ground. Genma took action, and then he had disappeared again.)

Or at least, they were with who they believed the instigators to be.

Hyuuga Kimi was all but gnawing at the ropes that were restraining herself and three others, wondering what she ever did to merit this hellish punishment. Kotetsu was on her left and Tsukeru Sarah and Uchiha Itachi were on her right, Sarah happily chatting away at whoever would listen. Itachi was . . . being Itachi. He sat with a silent frown, blaming Shisui, the Tsukeru girl, his mother and these Genin (everyone but himself) for starting this mess.

And Sarah was beginning to get _really_ annoying, too.

". . . so I asked what it was, 'cause he was telling me to, but when he told me the answer I wish I didn't ask at all. I'm not gonna say, because I don't wanna scare you guys," Sarah added, looking pointedly at Iruka, who was watching incredulously as the six-year-old attempted condescension towards the people that had tied her to a tree. "But anyway, then Kenji took the TV and I had ta go to my room. But it wasn't my fault anyway," Sarah added as if it were important.

"I feel your pain," Kotetsu said fervently. He, too, knew the unjust horrors that came with having siblings.

But Sarah had stopped listening as she turned her wrath to Itachi. "You have a brother as well, dontcha? He's the same age as my little brother! Or, maybe. Sorta. Jei's two. Sasuke's one, right? Aw, wouldn't it be great if they were in the same year? They could be ninjas together!" She then seemed to have an excellent idea and said to Kimi, "Your . . . uh, I dunno who he is to you, sorry, but Jei is Neji's age! Isn't that great, Kimi? We can dress them up and go on playdates and make them best friends!"

_(At this point Sarah proceeded to imagine a baby Neji in a cute little bonnet and gnawing on a crayon. Then, in a deep monotone, baby Neji said "It was fated, bitch." and then the image dissipated. Sarah was mildly disturbed.)_

Kimi's eyes went round in terror and she gnawed faster, throwing caution to the winds and no longer trying to resist the urge to escape – she would get away, punishment be damned. Kimi would spend no more time than absolutely necessary with this crazy kid and her family. Kimi wasn't very close to Neji's part of the family anyway, but she didn't dare say something in case it encouraged the insane redhead. (And how did Sarah know Kimi and Neji's names, anyway? No one had told her . . .)

Izumo had no such qualms, however, and encouraged away. "So how _did_ you start the fire, anyway?" he asked curiously. "It would've taken some pretty advanced jutsu to do that much damage to a school for tiny little ninjas."

Sarah grinned the devil's grin and nudged Itachi with her shoulder as both her arms were bound to her sides. "We did, didn't we, 'Tachi? We burned it all! Aren't we great?"

Itachi refrained from asking how she knew his name. In fact, he refrained from reacting in any way whatsoever. But as he was only six, hiding his thoughts and emotions was not yet second nature. Itachi's face, rather than staying blank, contorted into a grimace as he tried not to show the annoyance he was feeling.

The expression on his face made Sarah's own smile falter.

"Wow, are you okay?" Sarah asked, concerned.

Itachi's eye twitched. He clenched his teeth, willing his expression to become smooth as a slate of stone.

Sarah seemed troubled. "You look sick."

_I am a ninja,_ Itachi repeated in his mind like a mantra. _I am a ninja. I am a ninja. I am . . . I . . . This isn't working! She sees through me! I must– stay– calm–_

"You look constipated," Sarah observed eloquently.

Itachi snapped.

-:-

Just above the scene, Retsukuma Xara was hanging from the lower branches of the tree, completely oblivious to the thick aura of impending doom that surrounded it.

The reason she was there, upside down and red-faced, is the coffee in Tsukeru Sarah's shuriken holster. Though she _did_ wonder why a six-year-old Academy student had a shuriken holster in the first place, Xara never once thought of why said child would have coffee at that age. She didn't really care, either, because it would belong to soon enough.

She would take them by surprise. The six ninja below – enemies, all of them. But they would never see her coming, because no one can outmatch the wit and cunning of Retsukuma Xara!

She stretched as far as she could go towards the enemy – the babbling redhead that was holding her coffee hostage–

– Not low enough. Xara was still at least a body-length away.

She unhooked her legs slightly, hanging precariously from the branch, and swung down a few more inches.

Drat. Her hands were grabbing at nothing. Still too high.

Xara was straining with as much strength her little self could muster – maybe if she stretched far enough, she would be able to snatch the coffee straight from its prison –

Then the tree exploded.

-:-

Namiashi Raidou had arrived at the scene just in time to witness many small children burst into flame in a matter of seconds.

When he had picked up the pieces of brain that had fallen out of his ear, the Special Jounin had the sense of mind to panic. He approached with a water jutsu at his fingertips only to realise that nothing was _wrong_, per se – one of the children had spewed fire at another, and the red-haired girl seemed to be happy and fairly healthy when she should be in the process of burning to a crisp. The tree, however, was not faring as well in its battle against the flames. If it weren't for the fact that the rope – that had bound the four to the tree – had disintegrated, the other three would be char-grilled as well. But Raidou didn't have time to process anything else as the flaming girl – who was giggling like a maniac – launched herself off the tree and flew at his face.

-:-

Kimi, though burned once more, was just glad to be rid of the rope. She was about to make a leap for freedom, just as Sarah and Itachi had done–

But something grabbed her arms and jerked her back to earth.

Kimi gazed up dazedly when the world had stopped spinning, resigned to seeing which horror fate had decided to bestow upon her this time.

It was the boy in the dress. _Why were ninjas always so incredibly insane?_

"You're not going anywhere," he said. "_Someone_ needs to be punished for this mess, and it sure as hell isn't going to be me."

Kimi fainted, not having anything left in her stomach to throw up.

-:-

"That was a little harsh," Iruka said, eyeing the unconscious Hyuuga girl's yellow pallor.

Kotetsu seemed lost. "But the rest of them got away! Seriously, we're going to have hell to pay if _all_ of them escaped. If the Third isn't above giving us crappy missions as revenge for stealing his hat, he's not going to worry about punishing us for something we didn't do."

"What're we going to do about him?" Izumo jerked a thumb in Raidou's direction – the Jounin was curled up on the ground, whimpering and holding his burned face.

Iruka just laughed, saving Kotetsu from saying what they were all thinking. "If a _Jounin_ doesn't have the skill to dodge a flying six-year-old, he doesn't deserve immediate medical–"

The scarred boy was cut off as another flying six-year-old knocked him clean off his feet.

-:-

Xara's landing was miraculously soft. It was the _second _landing that winded her – when whoever she had fallen on threw her off violently.

When her vision began to return from the world of pain it had been living briefly, she saw vaguely that three people were talking around her. _Conspiracy,_ she thought, _it must be a conspiracy to . . . to overthrow the Hokage and take the village! Or something!_

"You deserved that," Izumo told Iruka.

"Shut up, it's not like I expected a kid to fall from the freaking sky!" Iruka complained, picking himself up and glaring at Xara, eyes narrowed. Xara stared at the sky dizzily.

"We did crazier crap when we were at school; it's about time we pass the baton to the youngsters."

"Ah, those were the good old days."

"We graduated _three days ago_." Izumo rolled his eyes.

"Killjoy."

". . . Oh holy crap on a sandwich. Are they both unconscious?" Izumo sounded nervous.

"We're gonna be in huge trouble . . ." Iruka was laughing. He rubbed his back like an old man and glanced down at the two unconscious kids. "Seriously, I don't want to be the one Genma-sensei finds with this mess."

"Then let's make like a banana and split," Kotetsu said.

A pause, then Iruka facepalmed. "That was bad, Kotetsu."

"I try." Kotetsu examined his nails haughtily.

"And _that_ was gay."

_Yes, it's definitely a conspiracy,_ Xara thought dazedly.

Before Kotetsu could lunge for Iruka's throat for that comment, Izumo slapped him upside the head.

"Stay focused, idiot. What're we gonna do about the kids?"

"We're only Genin, I'm sure Raidou-sensei will take the rap for us!" Kotetsu didn't seem perturbed by the violence one bit.

"So we're framing him?"

"Damn straight."

"Excellent."

-:-

"The Academy is on _fire_? But what about _Itachi_? He's all small and defenceless! He'll never make it!" Mikoto wailed at Shisui, who seemed supremely unconcerned.

"Itachi _started _the fire, Obasan," Shisui said. "He's really strong for a little kid – he'll be fine."

Mikoto totally ignored her nephew. "Shisui, you should _know_ better, my sweet baby boy wouldn't hurt a fly! And you just _left_ him there? Oh, I'm going to make sure your mother hears about this!"

". . . But 'kaasan is still in hospital. Won't making her angry reopen those wounds?" Shisui asked.

Mikoto paused in her worry about her son, and decided to begin harrowing herself over her sister's wellbeing instead. "Oh no, is Kyoko healing well? I hope her ribs are okay . . . An ironing board! Who would have thought an _ironing board _could make such a deadly weapon . . . Oh, I hope her liver stops teleporting around her body, that's really dangerous . . . That jutsu really messed her up . . . Oh, I should visit her . . ." Mikoto began pacing.

Shisui sighed. "I'll go pick Itachi up, Obasan. I think 'kaasan would want you to visit her. Last I saw, her liver was in her lung and the medics had to keep her from axsfosititon."

"Asphyxiation, dear," Mikoto said distractedly.

Sasuke gnawed on Shisui's fingers. "Obasaaaan, it's drooling on meeee," Shisui complained.

"Suck it up, kid. I'll go visit Kyoko. Yes. Er, take Sasuke to your father to babysit, Shisui! He won't mind, will he?"

"But 'tousan is on a . . ."

Mikoto nodded decisively and made a hand seal, and the woman disappeared in a puff of smoke.

". . . mission . . ."

-:-

Nara Shikaro was trying to count heads, but as his students were crawling over each other like centipedes in a jar it was sort of difficult to keep track of them. And believe it or not, the ex-_Jounin_ had used up all of his chakra with his song and dance introduction, so forcing them to sit still was out of the question.

But then good old Genma and Aoba showed up and saved the day.

Just kidding.

Things actually got a whole lot worse.

-:-

Aoba went inside to get the kids that had been either too scared or too stupid to escape the burning building.

Kondo Takeshi – Shin – was the unfortunate latter.

Aoba found the boy at the head of a small group of children, one hand out as if to prevent them from approaching the burning bookshelves, the other closed in a determined fist.

"Don't worry," he told the children behind him with an authoritative voice, gazing at the fire. "It's more afraid of you than you are of it."

"Kondo, you're a moron."

Yes, Aoba just _loves_ kids.

Shin's reaction was more extreme than the man had expected, however.

The grey-haired kid pointed a quivering finger and screamed one long, dragging scream. He looked around frantically, still pointing and screaming as if trying to get others to join in, then ran from the room without taking a breath. Breaking glass could be heard from the hall.

-:-

Outside, a small grey blur shot through a window, screaming.

Genma dropped the sheet he had been calling the roll from and managed to catch Shin before the kid broke all of his bones.

He should never have left his post.

The rest of the students, seeing an opening, scattered like cockroaches.

Genma swore, accidentally dropped Shin on his head and was about to go round up as many of them as he could – but when he took a step the ground exhaled painfully under him.

The Jounin realised that it was his former teammate, Namiashi Raidou, that he had stepped on. That must mean that the three kids that caused this whole mess should be tied to a tree alongside Kotetsu somewhere around here –

–aaaaand the tree they had been bound to was a blazing inferno.

They were gone. Genma sighed dejectedly.

-:-

It took a _lot_ to horrify Tsukeru Sarah.

Or, so she had thought. But this new and terrifying turn of events caused her to question whether she really deserved that statement. Sarah had escaped the clutches of the strange transvestite trio only to run into a horror beyond all horrors.

"**Do not worry, small YOUTH child! The great and YOUTHful Green Beast of Konoha has arrived YOUTH! Fear no more, for I shall YOUTH return you to the Academy so that you may frolic YOUTH with your fellow YOUTHs!**"

The flash of shiny white teeth was blinding. It was a wonder that the redhead did not combust (an occurrence that, by now, would be entirely unsurprising) from the sheer brightness of it.

A faint "you moron, we're on a _mission_" could be heard before the world turned upside-down and crapped itself. Sarah had been thrown unceremoniously over a green, spandex-clad shoulder and then whisked away at a speed that had to have rivalled that of a bolt of _red_ lightning. Because red always goes faster.

. . . But this guy was dressed in _green_ . . .

Sarah promptly decided to stop thinking before the paradox made her head explode.

-:-

Uchiha Shisui marched towards the school with both determination and a small, chicken-haired child in his stride.

_Step THUD step THUD step THUD . . ._

"I think you have a growth on your leg," a grey-haired, bespectacled child observed.

"It wasn't _my_ idea, Four-Eyes," Shisui complained. "I gotta find 'Tachi and no one wanted him, so Sasuke had to come with me."

Shisui's face suddenly brightened and he glanced at the his classmate as if he had had an excellent idea.

Yakushi Kabuto sensed danger and tried to back off – he had been in Shisui's class long enough to know that _every_ idea the Uchiha had was invariably a bad one – but Shisui had thrust Sasuke into Kabuto's unfortunate hands before he could react.

Sasuke drooled.

"Watch him, I need to find 'Tachi before Obasan bites my head off," Shisui said, determination glinting in his eyes.

Kabuto looked down in horror at the bundle in his arms, then attempted to plead with his classmate – he should sacrifice Yuugao instead – but Shisui was gone.

Stupid Shisui. Stupid Body Flicker. Academy students aren't even supposed to _know _that technique!

-:-

Raidou groaned in pain as he came to – he had _fallen asleep_; it was a natural reaction the body had when it required intensive healing.

He did _not_ faint.

As his vision cleared, Raidou realised that he couldn't breathe. As he wondered how the two sensations could be connected in any way, memories came flooding back: P_eople were showering each other with sake and illegal substances; the kunai sliced through his stomach and he vomited blood; the syrup was __everywhere__ . . ._

No, wait, that was last week's Jounin party – an experience he had no wish to relive.

The _correct_ memories followed soon after: H_e had received a broken nose, fingers and an unwanted tattoo for completing a dare that involved Inuzuka Tsume and a punch bowl; the medics told him to stop whining or they'd emasculate him; a flaming six-year-old threw herself at his face . . ._

Yes, that seemed about right.

He realised what the weight on his chest was. No, the syrup wasn't being forced down his throat. No, he hadn't ingested a punch bowl.

It was Genma.

Raidou glared.

Genma stared.

There was an awkward silence before Genma spoke. ". . . What are you doing behind a school building with two unconscious girls, Raidou?"

Raidou blinked once, shocked and mildly horrified at the implications, and tried to form a sentence, but the pain from the burn in his face only allowed him a few muted protests.

Genma's eyes were wide. "I'm just . . . gonna . . . take these kids back to Shikaro-sensei. I don't need to know."

Raidou tried to protest that it really wasn't what it looked like, but instead he _fell asleep _again.

Because Special Jounins don't faint.

-:-

Kabuto dragged Sasuke along by the scruff of the neck, in search of someone else to dump him on.

Luck seemed to be on his side today, as a likely candidate waltzed straight up to him.

"Hey, kid, can you do me a favour? I need a . . . Ah?"

Mitarashi Anko was suddenly burdened with a squirming blob of black hair and blue jumpsuit.

"Watch him for a moment, would you?" Kabuto said quickly, then he hurried away before Anko could hurt him.

-:-

Itachi glared at the book and thrust it back onto the bottom shelf as the fire blazed around him.

Useless, just like the rest of them.

All the books that focused on the creation of babies were up on the top shelf. But, though he was loath to say it, Uchiha Itachi could not reach them.

_Curse these tiny arms!_

-:-

"**We have YOUTH arrived!**"

"Don't mind him, we think he has Tourettes," Hatake Kakashi told Shikaro and Tsukeru Sarah nonchalantly. Maito Gai dropped the child from his shoulder unceremoniously. "Someone called us to put out the fires?"

"Yes, well, as you can see the entire school is a blazing inferno. Fix it. Shikaro pays you well."

"But . . . aren't you a Jounin?" A small voice chimed from behind Kakashi's leg.

Floppy brown hair and wide, black, cynical eyes followed the voice. At thirteen years old, Tenzou worshipped the ground Kakashi walked on. "Isn't that right, Kakashi-sempai? Shikaro-sensei is a Jounin, so he should be able to put out the fires on his own."

Kakashi sighed. "Sometimes there comes a time in a man's life where he has to admit that he has given up. I'm afraid Shikaro-sensei has long since jumped off that bridge. And I don't think he can swim."

"**Your YOUTH metaphors are so ins-YOUTH-piring! That is why you are my NUMBER ONE RIVAL!**" Maito Gai was on the verge of tears. "**I challenge you, Kakashi! I will put out the west side of the building faster than you can extinguish the flames on the right!**"

Kakashi rolled his single visible eye and got to work.

Tenzou and Sarah were left to watch them go in complete awe.

-:-

"GAI, GO LONG!"

"**Anko, you are most YOUTHful today!**" Gai complemented as he caught Sasuke in mid-air.

The tiny Uchiha had retained the same expression of contemplation on his face the entire time.

-:-

Retsukuma Xara had feigned unconsciousness with the appearance of the new arrival (Genma) in order to find out more about the (nonexistent) conspiracy, but her plans (delusions) were shattered as she was prodded awake.

Now she, a white-eyed girl and a grey-haired boy were being led to the front of the Academy where everyone had gathered in the initial stages of the fire.

As she was being forced to sit down – and struggling against it with her life – something in the air caught Xara's eye.

A flying child.

She didn't know children could fly.

But the thing that _held_ her interest was the green-and-orange blur leapt up, caught it and threw it again in the same move. The child went flying towards Shikaro-sensei.

-:-

"Stay here, kid; Shikaro has bigger problems to deal with. Damn ironing boards never know when to stay put . . . his job is on the line, Shikaro's is . . . frosting . . ."

Nara Shikaro finished tying the knot in the rope, nodded once, and then left little Sasuke bound to a loose training log while he ran (with difficulty; he wasn't exactly a slim person any more) to retrieve a pair of students that were trying to make a great escape.

No one at home knew that he hadn't taken his medication today – Shikaro had slipped it into his great-grandson's breakfast when Shikaku and Yoshino weren't looking.

_It would forever stay unknown that Shikamaru's genius had actually been medically induced at an early age via drugs meant to stop an old man from talking to himself._

_Sometimes you just have to feel sorry for the Nara clan in general._

-:-

Sasuke suddenly went flying and then appeared in front of a small green dog. It seems that someone had substituted with the log for some reason or another, and Sasuke had been caught up in the jutsu.

The dog began picking at the ropes.

"Whatcha got there, Haimaru?" Inuzuka Hana asked quizzically, eyeing Sasuke. Then her eyes widened. "W-wait, Haimaru – you can't have people babies!"

She scanned the area and saw a group of children her age staring at something. She kicked the closest one in the back. "Hey you, can you make sure Haimaru doesn't run off with his baby? I gotta check if this usually happens at hone," she said.

Retsukuma Xara was indignant at the treatment. She glared at Sasuke, who glared back. "I don't have time for the likes of you," she hissed. Xara then kicked Shin in the back, just as Hana had kicked her, and pointed from the grey-haired kid to the one-year-old and back.

Shin shrugged non-committally and then watched the girl dash off towards the green and grey blurs that were rapidly extinguishing the fire in the Academy.

-:-

Shisui grabbed the back of Itachi's collar and dragged the six-year-old from the burning library.

"Idiot, you're gonna die of smoking if you stayed in there," Shisui scolded.

Itachi said nothing. He was in a bad mood because Shisui was right. As a shinobi (a tiny, tiny shinobi), he should have known that the smoke from the fire would damage his lungs.

His quest to discover the mechanics of human procreation would have to wait.

-:-

Tsukeru Sarah blinked as that Xara girl breezed past her, accompanied by Tenzou, to go meet those strange shinobi that had kidnapped her on her way home.

Sarah shuddered slightly. She had never been in close proximity to such dangerous levels of YOUTH before, and she did not wish to repeat the experience. Not wanting to have anything more to do with them (as even Sarah had her limits), the girl picked her way through the crowd of ugly, squirming children and frantic teachers towards her clan's compound.

Then her face hit the grass with a satisfying _smack_.

Sarah looked around wildly, wondering what had happened and why she wasn't on fire yet – that seemed to happen a lot when something unexpected occurred around her – and realised that she had tripped over a log with a baby tied to it.

Sarah stared at Sasuke.

Sasuke stared back.

Sarah had a flashback.

"_Because our clan is small and pathetic," Sarah's mother explained condescendingly, "I am going to get you to make it bigger and better and more prestigious. Listen to me carefully, Sarah. You need to bring home an Uchiha or a Hyuuga and grow up with them and make sure they never get away, and when you're old enough you'll make little prestigious Uchiha or Hyuuga grandkids for me. I won't settle for anything less. Mummy failed when she was a young girl as well, so now she's going to live her life through her children and her children's children!" Insert hysterical laugh here. "You understand, Sarah? Uchiha or Hyuuga. Uchiha or Hyuuga-yuuga-yuuga . . ." The voice echoed and faded away._

Sasuke sensed danger and started to squirm behind the ropes, but Sarah had already begun working on untying them.

"I'm gonna take you home," Sarah told Sasuke happily. "Mummy's gonna be so proud of me!"

Sarah hugged Sasuke until his eyes bulged and began marching towards her home once more.

-:-

_**# Colossal Author's Note:** Are you confused? Haha. Not much I can do to remedy that. Sorry about all these Author's Notes. I simply cannot contain my brain vomit. In future chapters I'll try to keep you from having to dig through uninteresting monologuing to find the actual story. ._.u I know that this type of OC-centric fic has a very selective audience, but I hope it appeals to some people. But then again, it's not entirely OC based – there are plenty of adults I like messing with as well, namely Raidou, Genma and Aoba. Plus there's Iruka, Kotetsu and Izumo, and Kabuto, Yuugao and Shisui . . . Gai, Kakashi and Tenzou . . . the Sannin . . . Sai and Root . . . Akatsuki . . . Well, there's going to be a lot of characters, okay? Gratitude and cookies to everyone who has reviewed so far – I really appreciate it :) Criticism is also very welcome; I haven't written anything in over six months (before I began writing again a few months ago, of course), so I would really like to know if I've gained or lost the ability to write well, regardless. :p_

_For future reference, these are some Japanese terms I may end up using:_

_Okaasan – Mother  
'kaasan – A less formal version of "Mother", most likely "Mum" or "Mummy". (I'll stick to the Australian spelling of those words, thank you very much, annoying squiggly red line.)  
Otousan – Father  
'tousan – A less formal version of "Father" . . . Yeah, you got that.  
Obasan – Aunt/Aunty/Auntie (whatever your preferred spelling)  
Sensei – Teacher; person who knows more than you (e.g. dentists and doctors are referred to as "sensei" in Japan as far as I know, correct me if I'm wrong)  
Sempai – Senior/Superior (i.e. a junior student would calla senior this)  
Kouhai – Student/Underling (i.e. a senior student may call a junior this)  
Komatta – Troublesome (har har har. I may not use this because I doubt there will be much of Shikamaru in this story, but I thought it was interesting to know. :D )_

_I will also be using the traditional Japanese order for names: Last-name-first, first-name-last. I don't really know why._

_Keep in mind that I don't speak Japanese; I'm just a shameless anime fan. But at least I've looked them up briefly before using the terms, so I have a vague idea of what they mean._

_Another huge thanks to Sarah, who has finally made an account under the name 'eL Saro'. She helped write this chapter; I just put it together. Much credit for the funnies go to her. Hope you enjoyed it (and I hope I can bring myself to update sooner this time.) Remember, you can't underestimate the esteeming value of a review. Seriously. Even if it's just one word, it still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (Unless it's a flame of course, but in that case one word isn't going to make me give up on writing. If you want to flame something, degrade it in every way possible and do it with style! The least I'm asking for is a dignified flame.)_

_**A Short Dedication:** To my recently deceased goldfish, Bender. You were so slim and orange, and that stylish kink in your tail must have been the envy of all the other fishies in the tank. You will be missed, little guy.  
_

**Review!**


End file.
